Stop Complaining about the Fucking Friendzone
I’m going to shape my language around the fact that the majority of people who are vast, gaping assholes about the friendzone are straight men.
Stop complaining about the friendzone. Either A) You’re actually a friend to these women, and care about them sincerely as friends. In which case, what the fuck do you have to complain about? “Boo hoo, woe is me, I have friends!” You have a friendship, you care about her as a friend, she cares about you as a friend. That is awesome. That is not something to complain about. There are people in the world who don’t even have that much. Shut up, be appreciative, and find someone else to get your rocks off.
Option B) This is the more likely one: You’re not actually a friend to these women. You’re just pretending to be in the hopes of getting laid. In which case, fuck you. That’s deceptive, slimy, and morally disgusting. Nobody needs a friend who’s only pretending to be a friend, and when the shit hits the fan she’ll find out who is and who is not willing to help clean up the mess. That’s when your ass hits the curb because she’s realized what a jerk you were all along.
Look, I spend most of my life in the friendzone. The friendzone is awesome. That’s where you find in-jokes and late-night dance parties on the sidewalk, and conversations about why Shark Week needs its own organized religion and what those sermons would sound like. The friendzone is where you get an explanation of how bra hooks work because you have the freedom no to be embarrassed to ask, and the next time you hook up with someone (who isn’t her), you don’t struggle and you have your friend to thank for that. (Or you can look it up on the Internet like I did, but that’s irrelevant.) The friendzone is where you can get an honest assessment of your dating profile, where you can find out what compliments to give on a date, and maybe even get a date because your friend isn’t interested but her friend might be and she knows you’ve been a good friend to her so you come highly recommended. But none of this happens if you’re too busy whining about the friendzone to notice that you have a friendship, and that friendship could become amazing.
So stop complaining, and learn to live your life.
